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The Shy Child

The Shy Child

By Leah Davies, M.Ed.

Shyness is often misunderstood because it is not one emotion, but a mixture of fear, tension, apprehension and/or embarrassment. Shy children seem to lack confidence and are self-conscious especially in new surroundings or when they are the center of attention. Changes in the environment and school pressures are also factors that affect a child's demeanor. Symptoms of shyness may include gaze aversion, a soft tone of voice, and/or hesitant or trembling speech. It is noteworthy that shyness is not necessarily a negative attribute. Many shy children exhibit an ability to please and think for themselves. Being reserved can also be a worthy personality trait. It is when shyness is severe that educators need to be concerned.

Heredity, culture, and environment can each play a role in a child's shyness. If a child's family tends to be aloof and sequestered, there is a likelihood that the child will be somewhat inhibited. In addition, if the adults in a child's life constantly call attention to what others think of the child or allow him or her little autonomy, shyness may result.

The problem with a child being extremely shy is that he or she may be perceived by peers as unfriendly and disinterested. Children may avoid playing with a shy child, thus hampering his or her social development and increasing the chances of a child having low self-esteem. With few friendship or communication skills, shy children may become lonely and depressed, which can interfere with reaching their full potential. Educators can assist children, whose shyness interferes with their social development and learning, by helping them relate comfortably with others. If no assistance is provided, shyness may worsen.

It should be noted that the process of socialization takes time. In order to feel safe, shy children often stand back and watch an activity. They begin the socialization process by observing and listening to the interactions of others. When they feel comfortable they move closer. Later, they may speak to a teacher or peer, and after time begin to relate to other children.

What can educators do to facilitate the development of a shy child's social skills?

1. Create a caring relationship with the child by attempting to understand his or her thoughts, fears and other emotions. Reassure the child that all children feel inhibited at times.

2. Since a shy student may become more self-conscious when confronted with a loud voice, speak softly and clearly. Be prepared to wait patiently for a reply to a question because the child may need time to respond.

3. Be accepting of a shy child's reticence to participate. Allow the child time to adjust to a situation. This will increase his or her sense of security and self-confidence.

4. Refrain from forcing a child to participate in group activities. Instead, provide nonthreatening ways for the child to interact with peers. Sometimes pairing a quiet child with an extroverted child can produce a positive learning experience for both students.

5. Notice and comment on a child's strengths including qualities such as kindness and athletic or academic ability. If you feel the attention will embarrass the child make the compliment in private.

6. Help the child see that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect. Encourage him or her to keep trying by emphasizing that making an effort is what you consider important.

7. If you label a child as "shy," your description may become a permanent characteristic of the child. Instead, say something like, "Everyone is different. Melissa is a thinker. She watches and learns about what's happening before participating."

8. Teach specific social skills through various means including role playing, and/or using dolls or puppets. Have the children practice:

• Holding their heads up, smiling and making eye contact when they are speaking. Say, "If you look at me while you are talking, I will be able to hear what you have to say."
• Greeting a peer with enthusiasm. For example, have the children say things like, "Hi, my name is Tommy! What's your name?"
• Beginning a conversation by saying, "What school did you go to last year?" or "What do you like to play?"
• Listening, smiling, and enjoying social interactions. Have them smile and say things such as, "It's fun to play this game with you!"
• Making simple conversation about school work, sports, or television shows. Comments the children may make are: "I like reading too." "What sport do you like?" or "What's your favorite TV show?"
• Being good listeners and not interrupting.

9. Meet with the parent or guardian. Ask the parent to reinforce the social skills listed above. Encourage the parent to help the child do things for him or herself. Brainstorm ways to increase positive peer interactions for the child so that he or she can become more outgoing and independent. Stress that the parent should not label their child "shy" or call the shyness a "problem." Instead, have the parent call the child a "thinker." Help the parent recognize that every child is different and that it's okay for a child to take time before responding or participating.

If the above measures are unsuccessful and extreme shyness and/or anxiety persist, refer the child for additional professional help.

inShare

Used by permission of the author, Leah Davies, and selected from the Kelly Bear website [www.kellybear.com]. 2/03

Play -- The Cornerstone of Learning

Play Is the Cornerstone of Learning

 

COGNITIVE/LANGUAGE

Distinguishes between reality and fantasy

Encourages creative thought and curiosity

Allows for problem-solving

Encourages thinking, planning

Develops memory and perceptual skills

Develops concept formation

Learns to try on other roles

Acquires knowledge and integrates learning

Learns communication skills

Develops listening and oral language skills

CREATIVE

Fosters use of imagination and make-believe

Encourages flexible thinking and problem-solving

Supports taking risks

Learns to use senses to explore

Recreates images in buildings and art media

Sharpens observational skills

Provides a variety

Learns to express self in art, music and

Develops abilities to create images

Develops abilities to use symbols

Acquires other perspectives
Provides opportunity to act on original ideas

SOCIAL

Tries on other personalities and roles

Learns cooperation and taking turns

Learns to lead, follow

Builds a repertoire of social language

Learns to verbalize needs

Reflects own culture, heritage, values

Learns society’s rules and group responsibility

Shows respect for others’ property rights

Teaches an awareness of others

Learns how to join a group

Builds awareness of self as a member of a group

Gives sense of identification

Promotes self-image, self-esteem

Experiences joy, fun

PHYSICAL

Releases energy

Builds fine- and gross-motor skills

Gains control over body

Allows for repetition and practice

Refines eye-hand coordination

Develops self-awareness

Encourages health and fitness

EMOTIONAL

Develops self-confidence and self-esteem

Learns to take different viewpoint

Resolves inner fears, conflicts

Builds trust in self and others

Reveals child’s personality

Encourages autonomy

Learns to take risks

Acts out anger, hostility, frustration, joy

Gains self-control

Becomes competent in several areas

Takes initiative

adapted from Gordon, Ann Miles and Williams-Browne, Kathryn.  (2000).  Beginnings and beyond. 5^th ed.  Albany, NY: Thomson Delmar. p. 410

BOMBS AT BOSTON MARATHON APRIL 15, 2013

Remember that every time a child sees a repeated image on television, for them it is a new occurrence. Imagine the fear if you see bombs going off at the end of every race anyone has ever run.

What will happen on the playground? What does a race or game of tag become? Limit your gathering of news at times when young children are not playing in the same area as the television tuned to senseless violence played over and over again.

Our middle schoolers will once again have to process the twin towers in New York City on 9/11, as will all who were impacted by the terrorist attacks of that day in New York, Washington DC, and Pennsylvania.

When they were 3-years-old or so, they built tall block buildings and flew airplanes into them - constructing knowledge - to try to make sense of something even adults could not make sense of.

Watch. Observe. Have races with peaceful endings. If the races turn violent, use the opportunity to write stories or have class meetings. Look for the helpers. How can they be helpers?

With abstract thinkers from elementary schools to colleges and universities, take time to talk, talk, talk. Find the people who are helping. Become helpers to someone, somehow. Make it a gradable project. How does everything you are teaching relate?

Classroom Management based on Stages of Life Development

Erik Eriksson Stages of Life Development

The primary job of all teachers is to work themselves out of a job.

The primary job of every student is to develop self-discipline.

Teachers and students must work together in a positive  atmosphere.

Curriculum content is merely the arena in which growth occurs.

All teaching should help students relate content to the positive outcome of each developmental stage.

Teachers can only provide structure, a student oriented classroom, and expectations of positive outcomes based on important events.

Students must construct their own knowledge based material presented, methods of presentation, and an student oriented classroom.

The teacher must provide opportunities for students to have as much choice as possible for displaying to the teacher what they have learned.

The more choice, the more buy-in, the more enthusiasm, the more each student will learn.

Isaiah 50:4
The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of a teacher, that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word. Morning by morning he wakens -- wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught.

Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children’s Entertainment

TRUCE 2004-2005 Toy Action Guide
P lay is essential to children’s healthy development and learning. Children use play to actively construct knowledge, meet social/emotional needs, and acquire life skills. The content of their play comes from their own experiences. Changes in today’s childhood are undermining play. Because of the pervasive influence of the electronic media — such as TV, movies, videos, DVDs, computers — children spend more time sitting in front of a screen and less time playing creatively with each other.

Toys, the tools of children’s play, influence that play. Toys of value enhance children’s natural ability to engage in imaginative, meaningful play by allowing them to try out their own ideas and solve their own problems. Many of today’s toys are highly structured and often linked to popular media images and programs. These toys channel children into imitative play, robbing them of opportunities to use their own imaginations, creativity, and problem solving skills.

Parents are constantly faced with decisions about what toys to buy and what toys to avoid. High-powered marketing and the influence of popular culture interfere with thoughtful decision-making at the toy store.

This guide is intended to help adults promote children’s creative and
constructive play by making informed choices about toys, and by work-
ing with others at home, school, and in the community to promote positive play and toys.

Violent events such as the war in Iraq and the post-war conflict, acts of terrorism, crime, and natural disasters affect everyone. Children receive different information about these events. Some children are included in discussions, some overhear adults’ or other children’s talk, some hear or see it on the news. Many young children may be confused or frightened and try to work out their feelings and understanding in play. Adults can observe and guide the play by responding to what children say with simple, accurate information and keeping the play within safe physical and emotional boundaries. 

For more information contact TRUCE: www.truceteachers.orgPO Box 441261, West Somerville, MA 02144 • e-mail: truceteachers@aol.com

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* Experiences such as the recent criminal